Going to the gym... with depression

It always helps me to do things when I think about the fact that yeah, other people can do the things I'm doing, probably better in fact. But they aren't dealing with the things I am. They don't have that backpack. This helps with most things. I made an 82 on my genetics test, with depression! GO FUCKING ME because I didn't lay in bed and eat ice cream like I wanted to. YEAH. The one thing that this does not help with is the gym. Oh god the gym. There are so many people there with bodies so sculpted that Michelangelo would've envied. One girl had a butt so nice that I had a hard time staring, much less the guys. But I'm at the gym, with depression, I say! It doesn't help when I can feel my arm flabbing while I blunder about on the elliptical, while the toned girl next to me flexes her bicep.But I go. Honestly it makes me feel better. Those endorphins and what not. I just hate questioning my self confidence more than I already do. But wait for the day that I am that girl with the killer booty. I'll be throwing that thing all over the place. Boom, boom, boom. At the end of the day I'm doing it for myself. If I look better today than I did last week then it's okay. I'm okay. I'm currently 15 pounds down and feel so much better. I'm sleeping better, and I feel healthier.


This is not pushing me to get to to lose or gain weight, or even get in shape, though I do recommend it. This is just me saying that sometimes situations make you feel bad about yourself, but push through because by damn you're doing it with depression. You can do it. This is my personal struggle. This is what I'm doing for myself because this isn't me and i don't feel comfortable with my body or how it looks. If you are happy with the way you look you freaking stay with that! The older I get the more I realize that my personal self worth and self satisfaction is worth what 1,000 other people think about me. Losing yourself for someone else or to fit in is the worst thing you can do. I was lucky enough to find super supportive friends that accept me with all of my idiosyncrasies. They stand behind me and in front of me if I need them to, and I couldn't love them more for that. I need them and would do anything for them. There are always people out there willing to carry you if you need it. Hell, I would carry a stranger if they were going through what I was. Just reach out to someone. It took me 8 months to get help. Some never do. Some are too afraid of criticism. Don't be afraid. YOU ARE STRONG.