Depression is not weakness

Okay, I kinda abandoned this for a little while, because I was working through some things for myself. Mainly classes and work and all the regular things. I'm dropping a biology class because I FUCKED UP and didn't study because I just didn't and made a 46 on my test. What what! Yeah, a whopping 46. Sooooo, taking it this summer. Ya, know. But other than that I am moving. Pretty sick of my apartment and the management, and I found a bigger apartment for less money. AND I GET A DISHWASHER. A WASHER FOR MY DISHES. I'm a little excited for that in case you can't tell. I feel like I'm trying to update on 2 weeks worth of stuff in like 3 sentences, but I also joined a gym and splurged on a couple personal training sessions. I'm gonna be buff yo. The longer I'm on this medicine, the more I feel like doing things I used to love. Before, I was so constricted in what I still liked that it was a struggle to take my dogs out to use the bathroom. Some days are still hard, but now I actually want to get up, I want to go out and play with my dogs and work out at the gym. I'm loving my Animal Science classes again. I'm finally piecing my life back together and getting back to me. Because with depression I was the empty shell that remained of myself. 


The reason I updated you all is because I'm gonna try to do this more. Just remember, no one blames someone for taking medicine to reduce their blood pressure. You shouldn't have to feel weak because you have a chemical imbalance in your brain. It is not your fault and you don't have to feel like it is. You deserve a goddamned medal every time you get out of bed. Hell, you deserve a medal for staying in bed. Two medals if you go outside that day. A whole boatload if you somehow manage to go to class and do your homework. 

The only way I have found to describe to someone without depression is to imagine carrying a backpack full of bricks. And you have wrist and ankle weights. And you're trying to run in a race, and it's hot outside and everyone else doesn't have to carry the backpack. You keep falling further and further behind, and people are yelling at you because you can't keep up. And finally you just sit down because it's too hard and you can't do it and that makes you feel like the stupidest, weakest human beings in existence because YOU CAN'T KEEP UP even though you're trying, so you quit. And that makes you feel even worse, so you crawl along, your heart breaking as you watch everyone else speed by because they don't have that backpack. The only difference is that for a long time I didn't realize I had the backpack on. I thought it was just me. I thought that this was all that there was to me, that there was no difference between the people running by me, so fast, and myself. Just remember you are not alone. There are other people with the backpack on, struggling. And they will help you because they know what its like.

Some medals that I found on tumblr for depression. Four for you Glen Coco. You go Glen Coco.